Emotional Violence

"Words are like weapons that we use sometime." - Cher, If I Could Turn Back Time.

Never thought that I'd be quoting Cher in a blog, but there you go.  It amazes me that to own a gun legally in this world, a person has to be checked for a criminal record, they have to be trained (If they're clever) and they have to have a licence (english spelling).

And yet we need none of those things when we carry emotions around.  We're not taught how to process our feelings when somebody has shouted at us.  We don't have training to deal when our bosses unload at us.   Deal - I can't decide if that's an americanism or not.

There are good bosses and there are bad bosses.  Mostly there are just bosses - they're neither good nor bad.  Sadly people learn from other people, its a behaviour thing.

(I'm a big fan of behaviourism - I enjoy trying to figure out why people do things.  Have fun trying to figure me out.  Even I can't do that.)

I myself have been a boss - and whether I was good or not is something that you would have to ask the colleagues that I worked with.  I tried hard not to unload of the people that I worked with.  I didn't think that it was professional and I set a great store on being professional.  Its good, I feel, to have boundaries.  To know where you are, and to know where the other person is.

But whilst bosses don't have training, what are probably worse, are families. 

Generally speaking families don't operate on emotional under emotional boundaries.  They grow up with you and I would like to think that the operate under their own rules.  The reality is, though, when it comes to family, you'll find that the Rule Book has already been dropped into the shredder (if you have an office type mind) or the dog ate it (for any other type of mind).

Rules don't exist with families.  These are the people that either be a great source of strength for a person... or they can quite honestly be their worst nightmare. 

Families know how to push your buttons.  They know what will work to get a reaction, because often than not, its a reaction that they're looking for.

I make families sound horrible but they're not.  Yes, they are - or can be - difficult.  Its not the families that are at issue, its how they handle emotions.

As I said earlier, handling emotions is not something that we're taught.  So generally, our behaviour stems from what we've learnt from our families, who have learnt being behaviour from their families.  Who learnt their behaviour form their families.  And so on and so forth.   Ad infinitum.

None of these people started with a book: How to Handle Your Emotions.

Its a shame, really.  I think that we'd all be better people for it.

My five top tips for dealing with emotions:

1.         Count to ten before responding to an emotional outburst.

2.         Count to ten if you feel that you're the person whose likely to make an emotional outburst.

3.         Always say I love you to your partner before you go to sleep.  Never go to sleep after a fight.

4.         Sometimes emotional reactions stem from anxiety or worry.  Sometimes people HAVE to vent and there's no two ways around it.  If you know that they're venting because they're worried about you, they're expressing concern.

5.         I believe that emotional issues rise in temperature when communication breaks down - and there aren't people who communicate worse than families - unless you're trying to communicate at work - in which case I'd recommend a loudhailer.

Until next week.  Have a safe and enjoyable week, whatever you do.  Take care. x