Positive Mental Health

There was a time, not so very long ago, in a country that you are probably living in, when the words mental health, had a negative connotation.

The words still have.

How negative the connotation depends upon who you are speaking to and what has happened recently.  As an example, read the papers the day after somebody commits a crime which outrages the country.  I can guarantee that at least one paper will use the term "mental health" in a negative context.

I believe that mental health just like "health" itself has to become a neutral term.  There are campaigns to improve our physical health (eg the 5 a day), so why aren't there campaigns to improve our mental health? 

Or, to put it more accurately, why aren't the existing campaigns given a stronger voice?

Looking after your emotional mental health should be given the same weight as looking after  your physical health.  All beings have a mind/body connection - how you feel physically affects how you feel mentally.  And vice versa.

In this Age of Austerity, looking after your mental health is really important as MIND (www.mind.org.uk) has reported as increase in mental health problems as people worry about finances, about keeping their jobs and, uncomfortable as it is to think about, losing their houses.

The saying is that from small acorns, giants oaks grow.  The truism is that same for mental health: from small worries, anxiety grows, and depression often isn't far behind.

It is important to remember, and I will quote a friend, that there are always solutions to problems.

Talking helps.  But try it when you're sober, and to people who you know will give you constructive advice, not just the mate in the pub.

I'm writing this today not just for people with worries, but also for people who have friends who may have become quieter than normal, more distant and less sociable.  They are people who may be experiencing difficulties, but just don't know how to ask for help.

If you know somebody like this, don't panic. There IS help and there IS hope.

    1. You have to keep positive.
    2. You are not alone.
    3. There is always support to help you.

Firstly talk to a friend.  If the problems are financial then the first step may be to contact citizen's advice bureau.  They have trained staff who are able to offer professional confidential advice.  See http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/ to find a service near you.

If the problems are relationship-oriented try contacting RELATE www.relate.org.uk

If the problems are work related, speak to your boss, preferably in a supervision/review and get it documented that you are struggling.  If they don't/can't help, speak to human resources.  It may be that you have a union representative that you can speak to.

Don't suffer in silence. 
Whilst here's no guarantee that any of these options will bring you the result that you require, practical action can have a significant impact on reducing worries, simply because you are taking action.


Asking for help is a good thing.

I'm bringing it up now because I'm acutely aware that these aren't easy days to live in.  People I know are struggling and life shouldn't be that way.


Have a great week.  Take care.

Joe. 
Other useful organisations:
www.mind.org.uk
www.thesamaritans.org
www.nhs.uk

Re/Writing Dis/Ability

I have something to tell you.  

Its not easy, but it needs to be said and there's no easy way of saying it.

I'm sorry I didn't say it before, but I didn't want it to become A Thing and I really didn't want it to be something that you associated with when you started reading this blog by an aspiring writer.  However, not saying it also becomes an issue, so I thought that this needs to be addressed and resolved.

So what's this thing I haven't told you?  Are you sitting comfortably?

I'm.... disabled.  I have a disability. 


As for which one, I don't really think that it matters, at this stage in our relationship, because there are so many out there.

But I have one.

There, I've said it.

Gosh, I feel better.

I use a wheelchair to get about, about 50% of the time.  The rest of the time.... I use my car.  Boom! Boom!  (Basil Brush, anyone?)  Sorry couldn't help that one.

But the bit about the disability and the wheelchair is true.

Those who already know me and are reading the blog won't be surprised, but for everybody else, I guess it will.  Or not.

Does it change anything?  Well, I guess, as readers, only you can answer that.  If you saw me in person it would be something that you see straight off, because there is no hiding it.  Plus you would see that I am extremely good looking and the sun shines out of my... well, I can't write that.

An analyst might write that I have issues about declaring my disability.  I don't think that's true.  I was very conscious that I had almost avoided the subject.  I think that I was worried about being categorised as a disabled writer, instead of being a writer who has a disability.
 

Declaration of a disability is something that either unnerves people or they say shut up and get past it.  The reality is that I am disabled, have been since the year dot and will be for the rest of my life.  Its there.  No escaping it.

I haven't given a top-to-toe description of myself because really, I want my writing to speak for itself.  This blog is about my journey as an aspiring writer and as a person working at being an aspiring writer.

I feel that disabled people are sometimes seen as having an agenda and I don't.  I've never been a militant guy and I don't believe in chaining myself to buses (because it might drive away).  I do believe it not taking myself or my disability too seriously.

So why raise it now?

Any writer has to bring something fresh to the table.  A different perspective.  I could write another Star Wars, but then that would be Another Star Wars.  I don't believe that its easy to write Something New. 

Even Shakespeare got his ideas from Somewhere Else.

And why tell you now?

Well, I wanted to tell you last week, but the pesky riots go in the way.  Life has a way of changing the things that we do.  Harlan Coben's character Myron Bolitar has a favourite saying: Man Plans, God Laughs.

And recently, I've been thinking about the portrayal of disability in fiction and the movies and tv.  And there aren't all that many disabled hero/ines about.

Or, not very many lead characters with a disability.  But I've come across a few...

Geoffrey Spasmo: Coincidentally, this character was created by a able-bodied writer: Ben Elton, but I'll forgive him for that, because Gridlocked has to be one of my top 20 all time favourite books.

Miles Vorkosigon: This series was created by Lois McMaster Bujold and she sets her pint sized hero against the rest of the world and his own shortcomings with zeal and lots of humour. Highly Recommded.

DareDevil:  I'm not really one for comics.... ahem, graphic novels, but I was impressed with the idea of a blind superhero, except that his super-powers really negate his disability.

Neal Jiminez: Eric Stolz starred as a writer in a little known film in the 80s called The Waterdance, which also starred Wesley Snipes, William Forsyth and Helen Hunt.  If memory serves correct, he has a climbing accident, is left paralysed and has to adjust to life as a wheelchair user.

There are hundreds of other instances of disability in fiction. I may, in the future, just write a blog about them all.

Regarding the last example, I think that having a spinal injury, or becoming disabled is different to being disabled at birth because from birth a person is used to being set slightly apart from society (and that can be fun, too), whereas if a person becomes disabled, they know what the normal world is like, and that, I believe, is much more difficult.  That is a personal opinion.  Feel free to disagree.

So why have I brought it up?

Well, this blog is (primarily) about my journey as a writer and I think that one of my goals is to have a disabled hero/ine, who has to deal with the world and their disability at the same time.  My aim isn't to foreground disability, but to normalise it so that it is part of the everyday world.

The funny thing is I that I have written part of a story with a disabled writer as the main character.  The story begins to lay the groundwork for a much larger introduction to a new world.  Its funny because that part ends with the heroine going to the new world, and I have realised that I put the character in a really difficult position.  For one, she's stuck in a forest, and wheelchairs don't do forests....

Disabled people work best.... it should be acknowledged, when they are in control of their environment.  When they are not; they have to adapt and contend with the environment as well.

I'm sure that Ren and I will see see it as a challenge. I think that we'll all be interested to see how this plays out.

Hopefully see you all next week.  Please take care and have a great week.

Joe.

Just another day at the office....

Stories are great.

As an aspiring writer, I live in a world inside my own head.  I live in lots of worlds inside my head.

I hear voices and I see scenes, action, drama, tension, dialogue.  There's a film in my head and a more-or-less constant stream of narrative.  Sometimes, well, most of the time, it has to fade into the background.  Otherwise I'd get into serious trouble at work, have relationship problems with my partner and family  at home and arguments with my friends when they tell me that I don't listen to them.

I don't.  Sorry.  Otherwise engaged.

I don't make a claim that I create the worlds in my head; they're already there.  I am acutely aware that acknowledging this in writing - even in digital media -  could get me committed.  

(By the way, if you don't hear from me next week, please come and break me out from whatever institution has locked me away.  Just follow the tracker signal that's well, erm, inside me.)  

How conscious the process of creation is, is something that I'm never quite sure of.  A psychological insight would be that I wanted to live vicariously through my characters so that they could do things that I, for various reasons, can not.

Like flying a helicopter, for instance.  Probably not a good idea for me to do it for real.  Especially the way my characters would do it…

But the worlds (in my head) are fictional.  They aren't real (and I understand this, Doctor), and if there is any conscious element in the creative process, it is that: a desire to keep those worlds artificial.  There is enough reality in the Real World, for me to add to it.

Yes, I have characters, and yes, they do get hurt, but as an aspiring Buddhist (I aspire to lots of things), I'm quite anti violence, and I'm interested to see how my characters handle that one (although I'm quite fond of A-Team violence, which is quite comic-booky (hey, inventing a new language here!)).

I have a theory: every single person is the main character in their own story.  They're the lead character and also the author and director of their story.  They decide where to go and when; who to interact with; they write their own dialogue and set the themes as they choose.

But not all themes are set by them.  As all stories and worlds intertwine there are themes that occur regularly and frequently amongst all of the characters and their respective worlds.  Like the news that petrol prices are up again: they feature in everybody’s story.  Or at least, all of the car drivers.

With me so far?

It is rare, though, to have an event that impacts on a wide group of characters, in a dramatic fashion, with little or no warning.

The events of the past ten days saw this happen.

This week, what was happening in other parts of the UK, started happening in the area where I live and work.  And for a country, the second week in August in the year 2011 will go down in history as a terrible chapter.
 
Worse still, it will affect how the world sees the country, not just now, but for months to come. The countdown has just begun to what is known as London 2012, an event that the whole world stops to watch.  This week, the world was watching... just not for reasons that people would like to remember.

And this story focuses on one particular day: Tuesday 9th August 2011.

It started as a normal Tuesday.  Get up, get dressed and go to work. 

Normal. 

Check e-mails, interact with other people, resolve enquiries. 

Normal. 

But by midday, people are coming in and saying that there's trouble in areas that are roughly two miles away from us, in different directions. 

Not normal.

When we (usually) hear of trouble, its usually in other parts of the country, or more often, the world.  Its on TV, or on the radio and delivered by experienced and professional correspondents.

And its okay, because its Not Here and We Are Safe.

By lunchtime, the local authority (we're just lucky enough to be on the local authority IT network) had sent an e-mail to say, yes there's been trouble, we're aware of it, we're monitoring the situation, everything's OK, you can all go back to work...

As the afternoon progresses police cars are occasionally screaming up and down the dual carriageway where we work.  This is with more frequency than the odd one a day/week/month.

At this point, I'd like to say that emotion, any emotion, is like the flu.  If one person feels it, it can be addressed.  Two people, and you need to keep cool and listen with voices of reason.  Five people and emotion starts to catch on.  The emotion at work was tension, worry, apprehension.  We started getting calls from staff and relatives who were telling us that there was trouble brewing in areas where they lived.

It is one thing to see things happen on the news on a TV in the safety of your home.  It is another to think that it is happening less than ten minutes away from you.

By mid-afternoon, parts of the city were shutting down early.  And to their credit, our managers made that wise choice too.  Because although the problems weren't where we were, they were where staff lived and they affected people's journeys home.  Its incredibly difficult to work if all you’re doing is worrying about the safety of getting home, or the safety of the area where you live.

Score one for management!  They do get things right (sometimes).

That night, we watched from the safety of our own homes as parts of the city erupted in violence and fire.  Buildings were destroyed.  Lives were lost as people tried to protect their community.  To keep their loved ones safe.
  
For me, the personal became too personal.  Two people I know got caught up in very different ways.  One was staying at friend's across the street from where a police station was set on fire.

In another area, police picked up another friend from a brewing trouble spot.  They picked up my friend and drove them home to safety.

In stories there is a line between fiction and reality.  Where we know that stop reading, or, if it really gets too bad, change the channel or leave the cinema.  The reality of what was going on really hit home when the managers closed the office for the day. 

That was when it sunk in: this is not a normal work day.  At that point for me, I have to say, alarm bells started ringing.  This is not a normal day.

Everybody I know personally got through the traumatic days of the week relatively safely and thanks to the police, unharmed.  They put themselves in harm’s way for our safety.  This week (and every other week) not enough credit has been given to them.

As I write, the debates, finger-pointing, recriminations, political posturing and accusations have already started, and those voices, I fear, won't quieten down for a long time.  Everybody has an answer.  I just don’t know if it’s the right one.

My own views on the events of the past ten days are this: every story is individual, and every case should be seen as such.  I don't think there's an easy answer and I'm not going to go looking for one. 

Undoubtedly, we will hear of this again in the usual news reviews of the year and in the days running up to London 2012, where security and safety for all people will be at the forefront of everybody's minds.

As for me, there were other things that I was going to write about, but they'll keep.  This is one story that I needed to write.  Call it therapy.  For free.

Until next week, stay safe and take care.

Emotional Violence

"Words are like weapons that we use sometime." - Cher, If I Could Turn Back Time.

Never thought that I'd be quoting Cher in a blog, but there you go.  It amazes me that to own a gun legally in this world, a person has to be checked for a criminal record, they have to be trained (If they're clever) and they have to have a licence (english spelling).

And yet we need none of those things when we carry emotions around.  We're not taught how to process our feelings when somebody has shouted at us.  We don't have training to deal when our bosses unload at us.   Deal - I can't decide if that's an americanism or not.

There are good bosses and there are bad bosses.  Mostly there are just bosses - they're neither good nor bad.  Sadly people learn from other people, its a behaviour thing.

(I'm a big fan of behaviourism - I enjoy trying to figure out why people do things.  Have fun trying to figure me out.  Even I can't do that.)

I myself have been a boss - and whether I was good or not is something that you would have to ask the colleagues that I worked with.  I tried hard not to unload of the people that I worked with.  I didn't think that it was professional and I set a great store on being professional.  Its good, I feel, to have boundaries.  To know where you are, and to know where the other person is.

But whilst bosses don't have training, what are probably worse, are families. 

Generally speaking families don't operate on emotional under emotional boundaries.  They grow up with you and I would like to think that the operate under their own rules.  The reality is, though, when it comes to family, you'll find that the Rule Book has already been dropped into the shredder (if you have an office type mind) or the dog ate it (for any other type of mind).

Rules don't exist with families.  These are the people that either be a great source of strength for a person... or they can quite honestly be their worst nightmare. 

Families know how to push your buttons.  They know what will work to get a reaction, because often than not, its a reaction that they're looking for.

I make families sound horrible but they're not.  Yes, they are - or can be - difficult.  Its not the families that are at issue, its how they handle emotions.

As I said earlier, handling emotions is not something that we're taught.  So generally, our behaviour stems from what we've learnt from our families, who have learnt being behaviour from their families.  Who learnt their behaviour form their families.  And so on and so forth.   Ad infinitum.

None of these people started with a book: How to Handle Your Emotions.

Its a shame, really.  I think that we'd all be better people for it.

My five top tips for dealing with emotions:

1.         Count to ten before responding to an emotional outburst.

2.         Count to ten if you feel that you're the person whose likely to make an emotional outburst.

3.         Always say I love you to your partner before you go to sleep.  Never go to sleep after a fight.

4.         Sometimes emotional reactions stem from anxiety or worry.  Sometimes people HAVE to vent and there's no two ways around it.  If you know that they're venting because they're worried about you, they're expressing concern.

5.         I believe that emotional issues rise in temperature when communication breaks down - and there aren't people who communicate worse than families - unless you're trying to communicate at work - in which case I'd recommend a loudhailer.

Until next week.  Have a safe and enjoyable week, whatever you do.  Take care. x

Hi

blog entry - 07 08 11

This is my first ever honest-to-god post, so firstly I'm gonna say hi.  Welcome.  And thank you for reading.

Oh.

My.

God.

Everybody has to have a name.  Names are a means of identification.  Often it doesn't really matter what the name actually is, its just a means of identifying the person whose name it is.

I'm going to give you a name... and its a name that I'm going to use as my pen name.  Not my real name, but there you go.

Today, I'm born.  Today I have come into the world and started to create an identity.  A name, if you like, for myself.

Its not my real name and not my real birthday either.  Which is in February, I feel that I can share that much with you, and will be aiming to get to know you all as time goes by.

I've chosen Sunday as my Day To Blog.  Why Sunday?  Depending on your point of view, its either the ending of one week of the beginning of the next.  It bridges the line between two set time constructs.  A week, is I feel, an artificial construct.  Not that I really believe in anything called a weekend but that's just me.  We'll save that one for another time.

And the topic for today is...